Husband of the Year

So You Think You Can Dance?

2008-05-27T12:28:00.001-05:00

Kobe Bryant & The Jackass Crew

2008-05-27T12:20:00.000-05:00

I Love The Interweb

2008-05-13T16:26:00.001-05:00

Not sure what this is, but I do know I will never get that minute of my life back.

More Proof Jimmy Kimmel is the Best Thing On Television

2008-05-09T10:44:00.000-05:00

Our Next President?

2008-05-02T16:45:00.003-05:00

Hillary Clinton vs. Coffee Maker - Coffee Maker Wins

Britain's Got Talent (Way More Than Us)

2008-05-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

Feels Good to be a Gangsta

2008-05-02T16:26:00.000-05:00

I Can Dig It....

2008-05-02T12:27:00.003-05:00

Enjoy!

Vols Coach Divorced

2008-05-02T12:03:00.009-05:00

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl's divorce from his wife, Kim, after 25 years of marriage has been finalized.

He filed for divorce in Knox County in September, two days after the couple's 25th anniversary, citing irreconcilable differences. The divorce was finalized April 1.

Pearl's attorney, Caesar Stair, on Wednesday declined to comment on the details of the divorce or the custody agreement of the couple's two youngest children. They have four children together, including Steven Pearl, a forward on the Vols squad.

Pearl, 47, separated from his 50-year-old wife, Kim, when the coach and the Vols returned from an 11-day trip to Europe that ended Aug. 19. She didn't accompany the team on the trip.

He was named the Southeastern Conference co-coach of the year by The Associated Press after leading Tennessee to a program-best 31 wins, the Vols' first outright regular season SEC title in 41 years and their first No. 1 ranking in history.

25 years seems to be quite a milestone. Makes you wonder why they called it quits. Well, here's a reminder.

It seems old Bruce has two loves in his life: basketball and the ladies (half his age). Folks, hide your daughters, Bruce is single again.

Kentucky Wildcats Get Commitment from 8th Grader

2008-05-02T11:01:00.004-05:00

The University of Kentucky Wildcats basketball program just received a commitment from an 8th grader. You did not just misread that. Michael Avery, from California, is a 6′4″ power forward. Reports are that he is a beast and can already play with high school juniors and seniors. I think Kentucky fans have already noticed the changes in recruiting since Tubby Smith left and Billy Gillispie moved in, but this one to me is a little weird. A lot can happen in 5 years to a kid, so I will take this with a grain of salt.

In other news, I hear UK is in the running for one of the Top 5 zygotes in the class of 2021 but there are some concerns because his mother hasn't been taking her pre-natal vitamins.

Chitika Blogpreneur Contest

2008-05-01T12:34:00.012-05:00

I received an email today from Chitika.com. If you will notice, I have ads from Chitika on my site at the bottom of the page. If you click those ads, I make money. Since I only have about 3 readers on this blog, I don’t make very much money. Nevertheless, Chitika is sponsoring a Blogpreneur Contest. You can read about the contest here.

In this ad, Chitika explains, “To keep a successful blog today is by no means an easy challenge, and in this contest you will get a chance to share the secrets to your very own success in how you were able to get your blog up and running and what you think entrepreneurs can learn from you.”

Since my blog is fairly new, and as mentioned before, I only have 3 readers, I thought I would go through the process of entering this contest and instead change things up. I will tell how I got my blog up and running like asked and even mention what I think entrepreneurs can learn from me. It is pretty simple. If I have done it on my blog, do the exact opposite. For all of those Seinfeld watchers out there, think of the episode entitled “the Opposite.” In this episode George upon visiting the beach, decides that every decision that he has ever made has been wrong and resolves to do the complete opposite of what he would do normally. He suddenly begins to experience good luck, getting a girlfriend, moving out of his parents' house, and even landing a job with the New York Yankees.

So, take the George Costanza approach to a blog and do "the opposite" of what I have done. I have summarized the key points below. If only I would take some of my own advice.

1) Start your blog 5 years ago. Blogging and getting traffic to those blogs takes time. Also, there are about a billion blogs out on the net to compete with. Even though mine is advertised as being “30% Less Gay Than Other Blogs,” it still takes time to get that message out to the masses.

2) Don’t Suck. I obviously I have done the opposite of this. Who wants to hear about the World’s Biggest Fish Fry in some shit hole town in western Tennessee or which Jimmy Kimmel episode I like. Instead, write about some of the below topics which will surely get you traffic:

a) Paris Hilton
b) Britney Spears
c) Hot Naked Monkey Sex
d) How to Make Money on your Blog
e) How to Get Adopted by Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie
f) Mail Order Russian Brides
g) Free Nascar Stuff
h) Midget Fighting
i) Paula Abdul drunk on American Idol

3) Pick a good domain name. I obviously am lacking here. First, don’t choose a free blogspot domain. Pay to get a good one. Again, Britney & Paris are good choices here. How about Britneydoesitagain.com or freenascarstuff.com. This is pretty self explanatory. Choose wisely.

4) Post often. The hardest part about writing a blog is coming up with ideas. Many successful bloggers will tell you to read other blogs to come up with ideas. I recommend you take this one step further. Steal from other blogs. There, I said it. Copy and Paste. Find something that interests you and is written well. Then copy and paste it over to your blog. I think this is frowned upon within the blogger community, but who cares. What's the worst thing that can happen? Is some Internet tough guy going to leave a dirty comment on your blog?

So that’s it. That is all I have. In my short blog life, I have learned what not to do. Hopefully you can do better.

More Telemarketing Fun

2008-05-01T10:30:00.003-05:00

Our Dear President Bush

2008-05-01T10:20:00.003-05:00

134th Kentucky Derby

2008-05-01T09:24:00.007-05:00

The field for the 134th Kentucky Derby was announced yesterday. Below are the horses that will be competing this Saturday. The horses are listed in no particular order, unless this is the order in which they finish, then I will take full credit for that.

1. Visionaire
2. Big Truck
3. Colonel John
4. Z Fortune
5. Pyro
6. Eight Belles
7. Anak Nakal
8. Court Vision
9. Z Humor
10. Monba
11. Smooth Air
12. Adriano
13. Bob Jack Black
14. Denis of Cork
15. Cowboy Cal
16. Big Brown
17. Tale of Ekati
18. Cool Coal Man
19. Recapturetheglory
20. Gayego

Here are my early picks. I am going with the Trifecta of Colonel John, Big Brown, and Visionaire. Good Luck!

For those who don't know what the derby is all about, this guy does a good job explaining. I found this video at www.kentuckyderby.com, the official website of the Kentucky Derby.

Ugg Boots Suck......

2008-04-30T12:06:00.004-05:00

I become a new person when warm weather arrives. When it is cold, I only want to sleep. And since I have a 3 year old human alarm clock in my living quarters, I don’t get to sleep. This translates into a pissed off Daddy. When spring arrives there is so much more to do. All of this excites me. But this year I am more excited about spring fashion than anything. Actually, I am excited about moving a way from the winter fashion. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a fashion dude. I don’t have a metrosexual bone in my body. In fact, my wardrobe is pretty straightforward. Either pants or shorts, t-shirt or polo, flip-flop or new balance tennis shoe. In fact, I have bought the exact same pair of grey new balance 999 tennis shoes nine times in a row. So, I am anything but a fashion authority. But what I am talking about does not require you to be an authority. I am talking about ugg boots. You know the ugly ass sheepskin boots that some pretentious bitch in New York decided to make cool and wear. They are ugly ass. I hate them. My wife wears them, in fact, every women I know between the ages of 15 and 35 wears them. If you look up ugg boots on Wikipedia it states that “Their popularity increased as a result of World War I and World War II, when they were popular with aviators, because of their need to keep warm in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes.” This makes a bit of sense, but none of the women I know were in a war and they certainly did not fly planes. So unless you are some war hero and fly planes, you should not wear these boots. They are hideous and not attractive in the slightest. Remember, if you disagree with me, you are wrong. I didn’t make the rules.

What is Rick Rolled?

2008-04-24T09:50:00.005-05:00

Click Here First

****This post was dedicated to my brother who used to look very much like this man

Jimmy Kimmel is Brilliant!

2008-04-22T11:15:00.000-05:00

2008 World's Biggest Fish Fry

2008-04-22T09:11:00.014-05:00

Ha-Ha.......I live in Paris, Tennessee and you do not. You don't live in the city that hosts the World's Biggest Fish Fry, but I do. This is the only week throughout the entire year in which I am proud to be in Paris, TN. It's fish fry week. Here's a snippet of what you will be missing.

First of all the big day is Friday. This is the parade day. Now, Macy's may have us on the numbers, but our show is light years ahead of Macy's. We have the Budweiser Clydesdales. We have crappy high school bands. We have the fish fry court (I married a former fish fry court girl). And, for the 5th year in a row, we have rain in the forecast.

Another highlight throughout the week is the rodeo. I went a couple of years ago, but I have not been back since. I got really drunk and dressed up like a cowboy. I had the hat, the tight ass jeans, the boots, the whole thing. Hell, I even think I dipped tobacco that night. But best of all, is that I took the PETA role and cheered for the cows. I think I will go again, but in normal clothes this time. Take that back, I think I will go in tight jorts (jean shorts), a Pantera t-shirt, and dirty white high top sneakers. I only wish I had time to grow a mullet.

Don't forget the fair. I cannot lie, the corn dogs, the funnel cakes, and the candy apple is the highlight of the week for me. I don't like the carnies, but the before mentioned foods make it worth going to the fair. There are two things I am afraid of: nuclear war and Carnies. Circus Folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands. But I don't care who you are, if you serve food like that, I'm buying it. Hell, I'll even throw 20 bucks at your dirty rides and risk my 3 year old getting typhoid.

Last, we have the actual fish fry. I think it lasts all week long. Supposedly they cook 12,500 pounds of catfish. I have never been to or seen this part of the festivities. But rest assured, the proof is in the smell.

So there it is. These are some of the festivities that my family and I will be partaking in. I will try to have photos and a recap at the end of the week.

Weekend Randoms

2008-04-21T12:34:00.009-05:00

Being a father of one kid and a kid on the way, I don’t get to drink that often. Well, I guess I could, but I choose not to. The good news is that my liver is almost completely healed from the college years. The bad news is that I still drink ever so often. This past Saturday night was one of those ridiculous nights. I learned/confirmed/remembered several things about myself and drinking.

1) I am 30 years old and my body gets pissed more easily

2) I do not have the tolerance that I used to.

3) I still drink like my tolerance is high.

4) I never want to drink again. (I say this everytime I drink now)

5) I should have gotten my ass kicked a lot more than I did in my younger years.

6) My wife hates me.

7) There is no worse feeling than waking up and realizing you don’t remember half of the night (Much better when you are married, at least you know you didn’t sleep with a fat chick)

8) Drinking is expensive

It’s a good thing I got the drinking night out of the way as my wife found out the cervix is effaced, the baby is in position, and my wife is 1 cm dilated. That’s right. It’s game time folks.

No commentary here. I have nothing.

Forgot to wear sunscreen at the soccer match this weekend. My forehead feels like this lady looks.

Late Night T.V.

2008-04-18T14:39:00.005-05:00

I rarely stay up late enough to watch the late night talk shows.......if you are in that same boat, you might have missed these gems from Jimmy Kimmel Live! I realize that this is "old news" to most, but these are too good to miss if you happen to be a loser like me.

And here is Kimmel's rebuttal.....

Why Didn't I Think Of This

2008-04-18T14:22:00.007-05:00

Spring is here and I am thrilled. The family and I grilled hot dogs last night and had smores. Doesn't get much better than that........unless of course you have these utensils to grill your dogs with.....

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

2008-04-15T12:39:00.010-05:00

As you all know, I was nominated Husband of the Year in 2007. Let me tell you, it has been life changing. So much is expected of me now, and it is very difficult to be a role model to all of the other husbands out there. But I have embraced the challenge and if every other husband could learn just one thing from me, the world would be a better place. I did feel the readers of this blog should know a little bit about who I beat out for this prestigous award. These men are just as deserving as me and are also great role models to try to emulate.

3rd runner-up goes to Arjana Fatmire from Albania (pictured below). This picture was taken after a hard day's work. Even though Arjana was tired, he still found it in himself to lead his wife back to the homestead and keep her out of any harm's way.

2nd runner up goes to Dragimir Miloje from Serbia. Dragimir portrays his selfless qualities in the picture below. Dragimir is also a very hard worker, but he didn't let that stop him from being that great husband. Everyone knows the tractor rides bumpy, so Dragimir allowed his wife and aunt to ride in the back and rest after a hard day's work.

And last, we have Arlen O'Connell from Ireland. I barely beat out this man for the award and the picture below is just one of the many illustrations as to why. In this picture, Arlen not only gives his wife the majority of the beer, leaving himself only enough for a small beer buzz, but he also remembers to hold his wife's hand. Arlen is a great man and this leaves me baffled as to how I beat him out for Husband of the Year. I will wear my crown gracefully and remind myself that Arlen has set the bar pretty high for being such a great husband.

Maggots Anyone?

2008-04-15T11:52:00.007-05:00

Well, I hope you don't have ground beef lying around in your pantry. If you do, dispose of it immediately.

Maybe We Could Monogram That Cereal Box

2008-04-15T08:33:00.018-05:00

For those that do not know, monogramming is big in our home. My wife monograms everything. When my wife buys a new pillow for our kid’s room, she monograms it. If she buys a new backpack, she decides it needs our kid’s initials on it. She can find a pillow relatively cheap, say $5, but turn it into a $20 purchase because of monogramming. I am just waiting to come home and find my 3 year olds forehead monogrammed with his initials on it. Most people have yard sales or go to Salvation Army as their kids outgrow all of their belongings. Not us. It wouldn’t make sense to. Nobody would want our shit because it is monogrammed. So, to all you family members and friends who read this blog, don’t expect hand-me-downs from our family unless you decide to name your kids with the exact name/initials as our kids. I came to the realization that my wife must have a recurring nightmare/dream that angry clowns break into our house while we are sleeping and take everything in our house that doesn’t have our name on it. That sounds scary and I do not like clowns at all. But, rest assured, the clowns would not stay long and would not take much, thanks to my wife and her love of monogramming.

Sincerely,

JGW

Joke of the Day

2008-04-14T13:40:00.001-05:00

Pretty slow right now on the best blog in the whole entire world. So I thought I would at least post a decent joke.....

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too.'