Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Okay enough of those Mac commercials and those pretentious bastards that use a Mac. I could give a crap whether or not you like a Mac or a PC........and I am so sick of hearing how "user friendly" they are and how "they just work." I am so sick of these Mac users regurgitating lines from Apple's marketing campaign like they are some walking t.v. commercial. If they just work, then why do you call me to work on them all of the time?

It's not that I think PCs are superior to Macs either. I don't. I just like the fact that people who prefer PCs don't feel the need to convince everyone of it.

I saw on the internet where a Mac user was quoted as saying, "I've had a Macintosh now for a total of 35 days, and I'm really excited to be part of the Mac community." Part of the Mac community? It's a computer, not a social movement, asshole! And if there is such a community, I sure as hell don't want to be any part of it.

Back Trouble

I spend a good portion of my life in pain. I have a bad back. It hurts ever so often and those who have ever had back/neck pain, can attest that there is nothing like it. Every important appendage you have is somehow attached to your back/neck, so when those hurt, everything you do hurts. I have always made lite of the situation with quotes such as "The doctor told me it was from lugging these big ol' nuts around." A doctor has never told me that, but it isn't too far fetched.

One day last month I was admiring the size of my nuts. Let me tell you, these suckers are huge. It's like I have 2 epcot centers dangling between my legs. They are impressive. But during my admiration, I found that my left jewel was much larger than my right one. Long story short, I decided to get it checked out at the local doctor's office. He then sent me to the hospital to have an ultrasound done on my nut. The week after was a tough wait. It's like waiting that minute or two before you can rinse out the conditioner, only instead of a minute or two, I had to wait a week.

Again, long story short, my nuts are okay and I get to keep both of them. I guess what I am trying to say is, be careful when talking about your nuts. You never know when karma might try to take one away. Okay, so really, I just wanted a reason to talk about my nuts, but the above mentioned story is true. And I am very thankful that I get to keep my nuts. Lets face it, me without my nuts is like Nolan Ryan without a right arm, or J-Lo without her ass, or........well, you get the picture.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas Presents are a Waste

I traveled to 2 different Wal-Mart stores last week to purchase the motherload Christmas present for my 2 year old son. We have bought him several presents for Christmas and there is nothing I enjoy more. He deserves it. He really is a good kid. But this week, we still had to purchase his big ticket item. It costs around $330. It is a John Deere Gator made by Peg Perego. It has a horn. It has reverse. It has seat belts. It goes 4.5 mph. It has a working dump bed. I will admit, it is awesome. So we purchased this item, brought it home, and I spent 2 or so hours putting it together this last Saturday. I love it. His mom loves it. We think he will love it.

Later this same afternoon, sensing my son's boredom, we decided to play star wars while mom was finishing wrapping some presents. We used the cardboard tubes from emptied wrapping paper rolls as swords/lightsabers. I must say that this was most fun I have ever seen my kid have. He belly laughed for an hour straight. Cardboard tubes? Come on.......I just spent over $300 on John Deere Gator and the kid is enjoying cardboard tubes.......So, we took this farther.........After my son demolished the cardboard swords on my head and back and our swords were no more, we ventured to get the cardboard box that the before mentioned motherload toy came in. We made a fort. We cut out windows, cut out a moon roof, wrote with crayons "no girls allowed." It was awesome. We played and played in this fort as my son kept informing me "no somebody see us." There were many more belly laughs. This is when I realized, I just spent around $1000 on a kid for Christmas presents, when he would have had just as much fun for around $10. Ha-Ha......the jokes on Dad. Bah Hum Bug!

Politically Correct

To My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Monday, December 17, 2007

My First Blog Post Ever

I love my job. I went to college and graduated with a CIS degree so I could be good at my job. For those of you who don't know what CIS is an acronym for, myself included, it has something to do with computers. Anyways, I go to work five days a week with the occasional late night or weekend work. These rare occurences (late nights or weekend work) occur for one of three reasons. Either I fucked up, the computer gods are pissed at me, or management does not know how to manage and/or they just want to fuck me over and make me work a late night or weekend.

Back to the topic at hand.......I have been working in this field for 5 years and I have realized that I am very different than most people in my line of work. Number one, I have seen a vagina before. No, I am not the guy who camps out at Wal-Mart the night before Halo 3 is released so I can be one of the first to say I have played the stupid video game. I am not a gamer and frankly don't even know what it takes to be a gamer. I do not play video games and I have seen a real life vagina before, so I know I am not a gamer. Number two, I can carry on a normal conversation. Not much else to say here. Computer geeks are just that.........geeks. I am sure you all grew up with that fat kid with acne who turned red in the face when a girl spoke to them. You know the guy that you threw little balls of chewed up bubble gum in their hair in Algebra class. The one that was picked last in kickball. These are the ones that now fix your computers. recap, I don't want to be a gamer, I am glad I am not a babbling idiot who tells stupid jokes, I am glad I have seen a va-j-j, I don't end every email with a "he-he," and I am proud of all of this.

However, I have really been into self-evaluation lately and have been questioning myself.......maybe I need to be more geeky........maybe I am not "cutting edge" enough for this line of work. And this is what has led me to this blog. All you hear of these days is, "blog this and blog that." Frankly, I'm not even sure I knew what a blog was a month ago. But after further investigation into the subject I have decided to start my own blog.

So here is what you can can expect to see an overwhelming amount of information on the University of Kentucky Wildcats. I will also make fun of rival schools such as the sucktard fucktard Loserville Cardinals, The University of Tennessee Volunqueers, and the Duke Faggot Blue Devils, to name a few. You can expect to hear ramblings about my wife and kid. You can expect to get updates on the boy/girl in mommy's belly. Last, you will hear random things about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree, with anything you find on this blog, you are wrong. I will now sleep better at night knowing that I am a blogger.