It's A Girl and Daddy is Buying a Gun

The wife and I found out a couple of months ago that we are having a girl. The girl is due in the middle of June and we are ecstatic. All we need now is a dog and we will have that "million dollar" family. We will be living the american dream.

After the excitement of finding out the sex of the baby died down, I began to actually consider this life change. I can hardly wait to do the "daddy's little girl" thing. But then I began to think, what if she looks like me? What if "daddy's little girl" has skillet ears and a unibrow? I began to freak out. But it gets way worse.

Next, you think of monies. If you walk into a store to shop for kid's clothes, you see a few racks of boy's clothes. Next to those boy clothes, you will also see a 400 racks of girl's clothes. TRANSLATION: More clothes to choose from, means more to buy. Shoot me in the balls.

I began dealing with the above mentioned problems and those concerns subsided. Then the dreaded teenage years entered my mind. "Daddy's Little Girl" won't always be little. She will grow up. She will begin to like boys, and even worse, boys will like her. Maybe skillet ears and unibrows wouldn't be so bad. I began freaking, literally. I immediately called my father-in-law about guns. I am not into guns and never have had them in my house growing up, which is wierd considering I grew up in Kentucky and now live in Tennessee. But my father-in-law is. No, he doesn't hunt and I don't think he is into militia, but the dude has guns. Lots of them. Put it this way, if the shit hits the fan, you want to be around him and on his team.

Fast forward a few months. I now currently own 3 guns. I actually considered having a guys only baby shower, with a "stock the gun cabinet" theme. I will be that dad that just happens to be cleaning his guns when the punk teenager comes to pick up my little girl for a date. I came to the realization that having a girl is another form of God punishing me for all the stress I caused all the fathers of every girl I ever dated. One day I will meet my worst enemy as a father, and that enemy will be me - thirty years younger. Sleep well, Dad.