Junk Mail, Telemarketers & How Each Suck

Do you want to stop all of the junk mail that you receive and keep the telemarketing companies from calling you. Well, you are shit out of luck. But, you can get revenge. Here's how.

Two things that I receive in the mail more than anything are coupons and credit card applications. The two have nothing to do with one another.......until now. When credit card companies send credit applications, they also include a self addressed postage-paid return envelope. They do not get charged for these pre-paid envelopes unless they are used. So, why not get rid of your other junk mail & coupons by sending them back to the credit card companies in their pre-paid return enevelope. There is nothing like sending CitiBank a coupon for a large pizza from Pizza Hut. You get rid of your junk mail while the credit card companies get charged for the postage. This will also help keep our postal service busy. Email has been eating into the postal service's business profits, so you are doing your part to prolong the next postage price increase by keeping them busy.

Now on to dealing with the asshole telemarketers. This one is too easy. Simply answer the phone and ask them too "hold on please?" Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) will keep them tied up and essentially eat into their profits. If you want to be a real dick, take Seinfeld's advice and do the following: When the telemarketer gives their spill, ask them if you can have their home phone number and call them back. When they protest, ask "What...you don't want a stranger calling you at home....well, now you know how I feel."